I knew these types. The theory resonated with me. You know what? I just felt more connected to her! I want to make decisions out of love… love for myself and love for humanity. And from that choice, I am committing to find balance in sharing my issues, my problems, and my shame stories:. Although when I post about menstrual cramps on Facebook people may get the idea I do.
I risk being judged, being dismissed, or being left hanging. My disappointment in my friend came from the latter. I choose to tell you my sorrows, my pains, and my struggles. Can she help? Can it help her? Can I heal? Am I sharing because I am choosing to be authentic and true to myself? And as I share openly, bravely, and authentically, I want to detach from the outcome, because I may not have one of those move-the-body friends Dr.
I want to forsake the exchange mindset. I want to strive to be seen, understood, and comforted by myself and let that be enough, while being willing to receive what is offered. I no longer feel betrayed, resentful, and disrespected. I feel free. I recommend trying, "Hey, I really need to talk to someone about some really heavy shit.
Can I talk to you? Is now a good time? I used to hang out with somebody who had the irritating habit of waiting until the very last second and then launching into an extremely important conversation. We'd spend hours together, and then when I was leaving at the end of the night, she'd follow me to my car and announce that she was pregnant by her boyfriend's brother, who also happened to be her boss, and ask what I thought she should do about it?
Look, my brain is on a timer. It stops functioning at one in the morning. Don't spring complicated things on me when I'm exhausted and don't have time to talk. Especially not after we've just spent four hours bullshitting about the shows we're binge watching, and gone eighty-six rounds of "You sure there's nothing important you need to talk about?
Because if so please tell me now, before I'm too tired to think coherently. Learn to read your friends. If they're depressed or they're dealing with some heavy problems on their end, yours might need to take a back seat. At least for tonight. Otherwise, even if they don't come right out and say it, they're going to feel like, "You self-centered asshole. You think YOU have it bad? My dog just died, my kid is being bullied at school, and my husband just knocked up his brother's girlfriend! I don't have time for this shit!
I once had a friend who was always talking about his problems. But he never ever listened when I needed to talk about mine. So I ghosted him. Everybody's got problems. Maybe it's money. Maybe it's sex. Maybe it's bad stuff from their childhood. Maybe it's their career, or family, or they borrowed six grand from a loan shark to start a poodle-fighting ring in their basement.
The point is they're dealing with life's bullshit, just like you. Do yourself and the world a favor: Stop thinking about whether other people's problems are bigger, smaller, better or worse than yours.
Is a pound weight heavy or light? Depends how much you can lift and how fit you are. Also depends if you're lifting from your legs or with your genitals. The absolute worse kind of person to be is the kind who acts like other people were put on this planet as their personal, magic ATMs, to spit out advice, friendship, money, contacts the second we need them. If someone listens to your problems, you'd damn well better be prepared to listen to theirs.
Or at least find other ways to give back. Did you talk about your dog's wedding all night? At least offer to buy a drink for the saint who patiently listened without suplexing you in half. Only tell someone who can help.
This is the most important rule when in the midst of a difficult situation. It provides a guardrail from keeping you from telling to many people. Only tell those who can help you deal with the issue.
When I deal with couples who are dealing with an affair, I tell them—tell one friend, one pastor, and one counselor. The friend can help you with the details of life, the pastor can assist you spiritually, and the counselor can help your marriage. While it feels necessary to tell every friend and family member, it will not be helpful.
Remember: you can always decide later to tell someone else, but once you tell someone you cannot take it back. Only tell someone it can help. After you have navigated a tough time, there is a second group of people to whom you can tell your story.
Anxiety disorders are common mental health problems that affect many people. The different smells and chemical constituents of aromatherapy oils can produce different emotional and physiological reactions. Content on this website is provided for information purposes only. Information about a therapy, service, product or treatment does not in any way endorse or support such therapy, service, product or treatment and is not intended to replace advice from your doctor or other registered health professional.
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The State of Victoria and the Department of Health shall not bear any liability for reliance by any user on the materials contained on this website. Skip to main content. Healthy mind. Home Healthy mind. Talking through problems. Actions for this page Listen Print. Summary Read the full fact sheet. On this page. Talk to someone you trust Don't keep your problems to yourself Finding the right person to talk to Other ways to deal with your feelings Where to get help. Talk to someone you trust Talking to someone you trust about something upsetting may help you to: Sort through the problem.
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